What I See

From creative writing class, on Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Climb through darkness. Stumble on a step. Push my way through a red door. Blinded by the light.

Is this just a normal day, a normal Tuesday walking to the roof? Or have I been reborn, with a whole world of opportunities open to me. Looking around, all sound is drained from my ears, all smells are blocked by a suddenly clogged nose, my tongue seems to become a lifeless blob. All that is left to me are my eyes and my hands, to observe and report. I try to move my mouth, to talk, but all I say is nonsense. I give in and except the inevitable truth that this is me now, that I am fated to only observe and record for the immediate future.

I look up and see this bright new day, this new chance for me. Everything I see is a possible future for me to embrace. I see my future helping a hurt friend, hiding his feelings behind a paper thin smile that wavers in times of trouble. I see us talk, grow closer, but I misstep and it leads to a round of fisticuffs. I see my future with a girl I have yet to meet, a friendship growing, and finally she becomes a person I can confide in until the day she dies, a victim of her own misfortune. I see a lifelong acquaintance becoming a lifelong friendship, becoming something eternal so I can never forget her. She advices me, accepts me as I am, and makes me a better person through her wise words. I see a love hiding her face, delaying what cannot be stopped, the inevitable pairing we will form and a bond that lasts all year, proving to be magic, the love I cannot deny, that I remember all of my life, for it was my first true love.

But am I just crazy? Has nothing truly changed, was I ever reborn? A simple smile makes me re-think everything, the future, the past, all that makes me who I am and everybody else who they are. My mind overwhelms my hand, ready to break due to the surge of ideas scurrying around in my head that I cannot write down nearly fast enough. I settle down, calming myself to try and be reborn again, but this new rebirth is superficial, too little too late, my thoughts now run a different course, my new friend is now a new lover, my lover is a mere bystander to my life. My future is hurtling towards me as my life draws to a close quickly and abruptly. I feel fear as I realize how everything will be different in an hour, in a day, and in a week nothing will be the same for me, even myself.